Has anyone ever played Perfection? You know, the game that scares the ever-living crap out of you when the timer runs out by exploding basic geometrical shapes in your face? No matter if you get all the pieces in in time, it will still explode and you will still have ten years of your life scared out of you.

I’ve felt for a long time like my life is a game of Perfection, one of my own making. I have what one would call ‘perfectionism anxiety.’ I constantly feel the need to get everything just right, and when I don’t, I either get extremely frustrated or I sink into depression. I remember being in college and being depressed that I only got an A- in Russian, not an A.

I was upset about an A- in Russian. Seriously.

My friends were never very supportive of me when I got into a mood over a “mistake,” and one friend in particular was constantly putting me down because of it. Thankfully, I’ve ridden myself of those people and am in a much more supportive environment. My friends that I have now are understanding. They can identify with the feeling. My family is also very supportive, and always has been when it comes to this stuff. Perfectionism anxiety still plagues me, though.

My mom and dad have told me before that they don’t expect perfect. They simply expect me to do my best. I’ve followed this advice to the letter, always giving my all to anything and everything that I’m doing, but I have self-imposed a higher standard than “best” upon myself. I feel the need to do better than my best. There’s nothing wrong with constantly wanting to improve, but with me, it’s gotten to a point where even when I do improve, I feel like it’s not good enough.

So what can you do about perfectionism anxiety?

I’ve come up with a few helpful tips that I’m implementing in my own life, and so far I’m finding some measure of success with them. Here’s a few tips to get you started on the road to beating perfectionism anxiety.

• Know your limits: This is perhaps the most important tip. Instead of treating yourself like a robot, expecting everything you do to be mistake-free, realize your humanity. God created you in his image. He didn’t actually make you God. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect, and neither should you or anyone else. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to screw up now and again. It’s not like you’re trying to. You’re just human. Don’t push yourself too hard and forget to take care of yourself. Make sure you are soaking up all the positive influences you can. Listen to the people around you who are telling you that you’re doing a great job. You’re not Wonder Woman or Superman, so don’t expect to move mountains in a day.
• Don’t take criticism to heart: Easier said than done, right? Well, like most things in life, this one requires a certain amount of discipline. When someone criticizes you, whether it be constructive or not, make the most of that criticism. Use it to learn and develop your skills. Ask yourself why this person is criticizing this particular element of your life, work or behavior. Take a step back and think about if this is something that you can improve, or if it’s something that even needs improvement. When criticized, people often concentrate less on what the person is criticizing, and more on the fact they’re being criticized at all, and they fail to take away anything from that criticism other than negative feelings. Tune in to what people are saying and use your best judgement to decide whether the criticism is valid or not.
• Give yourself permission to fail: Without failure, no one would appreciate success because they would never have had the opportunity to learn anything. Failure teaches us what not to do and what we should do next time. How can you learn what works and what doesn’t if you’ve never failed? As a writer, I’m slowly learning to allow myself to write complete crap in order to train myself to write daily. Sometimes, the thoughts just won’t come, and that frustrates me. Learning that just the discipline of writing is benefiting me, and that demanding automatic perfection in my writing is detrimental, is difficult. But it’s essential to overcoming perfection anxiety.

“Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterward carefully avoid.”

-John Keats

Were these tips helpful to you? Do you have any tips that have worked for you and that you would like shared?