Well, it’s the one month anniversary of quitting my horrible job that was stressing me out, and I can officially say I feel different. I feel more whole. Not entirely whole, but I feel I’ve gotten pieces of myself back from the black pit I’d sunk into. I can walk outside and inhale the fresh air without the hitch in my breathing from doubt and fear. I don’t have to be afraid of those people anymore. They’re out of my life. I have the time now to heal and recover some of my former strength.
I got to go over to my friend’s house yesterday to help with planting her garden. The fresh air and sunshine were a welcome reprieve from being cooped up all day. I’m not a big outdoorsy person, but if there’s sunshine, I need to be able to go outside. I just need to be there so that I don’t sink into some false sense of comfort, an indoor prison of my own making. I don’t want to get too settled in or passive. I was made to be active. I was made to get out and about, feel the sun on my skin, and do something productive with my day. Sometimes I get so caught up in this desire and need that I forget my body has limitations.
I’m not indestructible. I’m not some bionic woman. I’m not even normal.
At 89 lbs, I’m not exactly a heavyweight (though I have thought about entering our local Ninja Warrior competition). My mind wants to do certain things which my body can’t handle. I exceed my limits more than I care to admit. I’m all GO-GO-GO, and my body says NO-NO-NO! This is my brain’s way of distracting me from my worries. It’s my way of not thinking about the negative things in my life, which can be both a curse and a blessing. Too much can lead to overwhelming yourself both mentally and physically. Too little, and you’ll become a depressed couch potato who never leaves the house. A lot of people struggle to get just the right balance, and I have yet to find mine.
But let me tell you about yesterday. It was wonderful. Even if I overdid it, I still had a great time. For someone who is a committed workaholic, I’m proud that I took the time to spend a few hours with friends and detox from a busy week.
First, I went over to my friend’s house and we sat out on the porch in the sun, just chilling out. She has the most comfortable lawn chairs that she and her husband got from his grandfather. I could lay in them all day. If we hadn’t had gardening to do, we probably would have.
My friend has 9 raised garden boxes in her backyard to plant vegetables in. We ended up digging up 6 of them to get the weeds and grass out and then proceeded to plant potatoes, tomatoes, green beans, brusselsprouts, carrots, and shallots (those sweet onions you see in a lot of soups and stews). As a novice to gardening, I was able to learn from someone who grew up on a farm and was a veteran gardener. Hopefully I can take these lessons and apply them to my own garden when the time comes.
As we were finishing up, my friend’s husband started “deconstructing” a camper with a sledgehammer. I’d always wanted to use a sledgehammer to destroy something. You could say it’s been a dream of mine. I asked him to save one of the posts for me, the ones holding up the roof, and to my surprise, he said he would. I immediately began plotting how I would destroy the camper. Which part of the post would I hit first? Could I do it in one swing and watch as the roof collapsed and dust wafted up in a tsunami of awesome? Oh my goodness, could I even LIFT the sledgehammer?
When my turn came, I took a few baby swings with the ball-peen hammer and put some nice dents into the support beams of the camper. It didn’t seem to bother my wrists too much. I must say, I pack a pretty good punch for someone who’s as tiny as myself. But no beams came down. Time for ball-peen hammer’s bigger sister: the sledgehammer. It didn’t look so bad… I thought to myself… “I bet I can lift that… can’t be that hard…”
Yeah, well, my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Or whatever phrase would be appropriate for this situation. Bit off more than I could chew? Why am I only thinking of witty food-related quotes?
Anyways, I lifted it about an inch off the ground and discovered this was going to be tougher than it looked. Long story short, after “watching how it’s done,” I fastened my seatbelt and took sister sledgehammer for another spin. After figuring out that, since I was small, I needed to let the momentum carry the weight of the sledgehammer while still maintaining some sense of control over it, I was destroying walls. Wood paneling. Support beams. Boxes holding Monopoly cards. I have no idea why there were Monopoly cards…
I destroyed to my heart’s content until I was too exhausted to destroy even one more wood splinter. I handed the reins over to those stronger and more capable of demolition than I, and my friend and I went in for a well-deserved refreshment of water and Tostito’s pizza. All in a day’s work.
I learned two things that day:
- Sledgehammers are fun.
- I can’t overdo it.
As I sit here typing, the rest of my body is suffering the aftereffects of zealous sledgehammer swinging. I’ve been an absolute sleepyhead all day. Really, I’m surprised I managed to get out of bed at all, as sore as I am. So, next time, I think I’ll keep in mind that my health is not quite up to the point where I can exert myself that much. My body simply is not made for anything more strenuous than walking on the treadmill or riding my bike to the library. I have to work up to the level where I can maybe do a little heavy lifting, like carrying some pliers. (haha)
The lesson is: don’t overdo it. Don’t set yourself back. Rest when you need to. Play when you need to. Get out and about. Have some fun. But make sure to take care of yourself.
So that’s what I’m doing today. I’m kicking back, relaxing, and taking it easy.
…and lying on some ice packs. Ow.
