As someone with GAD, I’ve long suffered irrational fears that leave me emotionally crippled and fearful to even step my foot out the door. I can’t explain where these irrational fears come from, or how I am even afraid of some of the things I’m afraid of, but I do know that this is a normal part of having an anxiety disorder.
I remember being in the van on the ride home from Methodist Hospital when I was 18. I trembled at every passing car, afraid that one of them would slam into us head on. It would have killed my parents, and then I would be left to take care of my brother and sister. I’d have to get three jobs just to pay the bills. My brother and sister were 12 and 10 at the time, so they couldn’t get a job and help me. I couldn’t bear to let the three of us become a burden to any relatives, so I HAD to get us a place and make money on my own. And goodness, how was I going to pay for my parents’ funeral expenses? Would my family blame me for what happened?
This fear and many others like it drilled into my brain every day until I got on a good balance of medications, which took years. I still have these irrational fears, but most of them are faded or are more mild. Some of them are even silly. Here’s a few irrational fears that I have that are absolutely ridiculous:
- Sharks in pools (or other small enclosed water spaces): I can actually explain this one. You see, my dad didn’t like to watch movies alone. When my mom would go to visit friends or relatives over the weekend, he would sit me down and let me watch scary movies with him. This included Jaws at the age of 2. Apparently, I had a few nightmares because my mom had to stay up with me as I mumbled about sharks and how they were going to get me in the bathtub or some such thing. This fear is funny to me now because I absolutely LOVE the movie Jaws. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome for movies. Weird. Oh, and the fact that I live on a lake doesn’t help. You know what else doesn’t help? A few years ago, they found an alligator frozen in the lake. I live in Minnesota.
Gage from Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary.” Small children cutting my Achilles tendons: Anyone who’s seen Pet Sematary (which we own… surprise, surprise) knows what I’m talking about. You know, the scene when the little boy comes back from the dead and kills the elderly neighbor who played Herman Munster in The Munsters? I won’t describe it in detail, but the kid immobilizes him by… well, doing exactly what my fear is. Just… ew. Ow. Ugh. Aggh. [insert more exclamations of disgust here]
I didn’t sleep for two weeks after watching this movie. - The Grudge attacking me in the shower: I have a stand-alone shower in my bathroom that isn’t built into the wall. It just kind of hangs out in the corner, and it has this rectangular space that’s open on the top that faces these creepy pipes. So when I’m in the shower, there’s this blank, black space aside from the pipes, and I’m afraid that any moment, the Grudge is going to strike and strangle me with that gross hair of hers. The hair will start to spider down the shower through the open space first, then a hand will crawl up and over the edge until her face appears, and it’ll be a good thing I’m in the shower, because I will pee myself. If I’m going to be killed by a movie character, I at least don’t want to leave a mess.
I have quite a few more irrational fears, but most of them involve things that are gruesome, and I don’t want to make anyone ill. But the ones above, to me, are the funniest because they’re totally ridiculous. I’m serious about the alligator though. It was in the newspaper and everything.
I guess if I had a helpful piece of advice for irrational fears, it would be that you should in some measure face them. Don’t give yourself a heart attack or anything, but facing your fears is the best way to rid yourself of them. This summer, I’m going to go swimming for the first time in 3 years. I’m determined to have fun and not freak out if a fish brushes up against my leg. I’m slowly becoming more comfortable in my shower. As far as little children… eh. I stay away from them in general, so yeah.
What are some of your fears? Have you overcome any of them, and if so, how? Discuss in the comments section! Comments are always welcome!
Thanks for your open honesty. I totally feel you on this one. Mine irrational fears had gotten out of control at one point that I refuse to shop at the mall for fear of someone stealing my purchases. When I finally did shop, I wrapped the bag around my arm so many times, then I got to thinking that the perp would pull my arm out of socket. I still protect my achilles tendon to this day …. that little boy was scary.
I did that while I was in London. I was so paranoid I was going to be pick-pocketed or have my bag stolen from me, I kept it pressed firmly to my side. Learning to relax when you have fears like that is tough. It’s especially tough to find a balance where you’re reasonably cautious, but not paranoid.
I’m sorry you deal with some irrational fears. I have had a lot in my life and while some I’ve gotten through, some I still struggle with. Without going into too much detail, I usually get through them by concentrating on something else or proving to myself that I’m just overthinking which causes me to feel out of control.
Thanks for the tip. 🙂 I will try concentrating on something else next time I have one and see if it works for me.
I have what I hope is an irrational fear of being buried alive. Just writing the words makes my pulse race….! I have trouble sleeping in a bedroom with the door closed, and when I do often jolt awake gasping for breath. Awful, awful feeling!
I think a lot of people have that kind of claustrophobic feeling, especially in relation to being buried alive. Does it help to sleep with the door mostly closed but not latched?
It does. When it happens I try to imagine wide open spaces and that can help stem the panic.
ooooh irrational fears. The first time I really remember having them was when I was about 8 years old. I witnessed something pretty disturbing and from that evening on my irrational thoughts plagued me. At the beginning they revolved around the incident (which while pretty upsetting to me wouldn’t normally scar a child for life or anything), but not long after they creeped into practically every part of my life.
I had no idea until I was an adult that other people had this too! An example – when I was maybe 12, I read somewhere that prostitution was legal in Holland and that a red light in the window signified an available prostitute. I began to have the completely irrational fear, every single day for years, that someone would put a red light in my room without my knowledge or that my curtains could make the light in my room appear red to a passerby.
My fear extended into the idea that someone would come to the house expecting a prostitute and my parents would be angry with me for being a prostitute, or that the police would come arrest me for being a prostitute. I really had no idea what a prostitute actually did, except that it was bad, illegal and had something to do with sex. I would sit in my room in the dark crying because I was so genuinely, deeply terrified that these things would happen, and I couldn’t get these crazy thoughts out of my head.
Damn. I just realized that I’ve never told anyone this before! I take medication that probably helps with the intrusive thoughts. I still have them but they don’t take over like they used to. That said, I’m unlikely to stand in a dark bathroom with a flashlight under my chin chanting “bloody mary” into the mirror (this was a dare that was popular among my friends when we were tweens!).
Thank you for being so open about this. That sounds like a terrifying thing to go through. The important thing is that it sounds like you’re getting them under control. Keep practicing pushing those dark thoughts out of your head. Distract yourself with something positive. It’s really hard to do, but after you discipline yourself to do it, it helps.