You wouldn’t believe how many rough drafts I have saved for this site.

It seems like each time I get the urge to write, I get tired right in the middle of it. Right now isn’t a good time for me to write either. I feel drained, anxious, dry-mouthed, too hot, too cold, and I can barely breathe through my nose. I’m hungry, but not hungry. My skin is breaking out and itching no matter how much water I drink (it is, however, looking much better than it did).

I’m a walking bundle of cabin fever. I honestly don’t know what happened between college and now. It’s like I spent all of my ability to stay up late with friends during those years, and I don’t even enjoy going out anymore. Now that I’m older, I have no idea what the answer to the question “What do you want to do?” is. Anything I want to do requires money. I’m still in the process of recovering from Christmas and paying off medical bills, but at least I’m doing it on my own.

I’m holding my ground. That’s it. Paychecks may be growing, but my physical and emotional state isn’t getting any better. Not that I can see, anyways. I thought I would have my energy back once I got out of the soul-sucking job that I had in retail. Granted, I do have more energy than I did previously, but I must be aging at the same pace my dad is. He was an old man by the time he was 30. The only thing that’s changed is his appearance.

I’m exhausted by the world, I think. It’s another year dealing with the same crap, but we get to elect a new crap shoveler (aka POTUS) who will do many of the same things, but differently. I see the kindness of human nature devolving. As Jesus is shoved farther and farther out of the realm of free speech, I see violence and hatred taking His place. I see heroes being turned into villains, and vice versa.

I simply haven’t had anything valuable to say. Not even this post is valuable. All I’m doing is getting some frustrations out on my day off. Yes, I finally took a full Sunday off (if you don’t count a couple emails answered). I don’t know what to do except for work, watch TV, play video games or cuddle my cats (when they let me). I don’t even want to sleep. I wouldn’t be able to, anyway. I don’t know for sure when the last time my naps involved actual sleep.

Yeah, I’m a little hormonal right now, but I’ve been this way for awhile. Maybe it’s just a matter of forcing myself out into the world like some weird session of sensory therapy. We’ll see. For now, I’m going to scour Pinterest for stupid stuff to pass the time.