So, um, yeah. I didn’t write a blog post yesterday. My bad, #NaBloPoMo.

In my defense, I was feeling quite ill. I didn’t sleep at all Friday night because I forgot to take my sleeping pill, and I ended up tossing and turning all night with no sleep. Not a wink. I tried several times Saturday to take a nap just to get a little bit of sleep to make it through the day, but I just couldn’t. It didn’t matter how tired I was.

I also can’t sleep very well when I’m sick. My stomach hurt, and I was nauseous all day; I also had a killer neck ache. I pretty much boycotted my computer, for the most part, because I just couldn’t summon up the energy to post anything.

Anyways, I thought I should also let everyone know that my dad went back to the hospital on Tuesday of last week for severe cramps after surgery. His system isn’t waking up so that digestion can work properly, so it’s like he’s backed up to the point of it being very painful. All we can do right now is wait until he’s able to “go” again.

It’s been pretty lonely around the house without him. True, there’s plenty of hot water for showers and the bathroom is actually available to other people for more than 20 minutes a day, but I really just want him to come home. It feels like we never left the Mayo Clinic. I’m tired of hospitals and doctor appointments, and I’m sure he is too. I know my mom is. She’s exhausted and ready to be done with this stuff for awhile.

I also miss my dad preaching in church. I missed church on July 5th because I was too depressed to lift myself out of bed to go anywhere. I was also avoiding my family because I was pissed about something enough that I didn’t feel like going to church with them. I missed out on fellowship and worship with God and my fellow parishioners because I was sulking. I feel like an idiot because of it.

I can’t continue to let depression push me farther away from God. I can’t let my mental illness win in this way. I feel like I don’t even want to read my devotions anymore, and that confuses me, because I get a lot out of it when I do. I know I feel better when I strengthen my relationship with God, so why is it so hard to do so?

I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of the day, honestly. I’ll probably just dink around with my blog design and go through my blog subscriptions and comment. There’s a few things I should catch up on today.